


the ghost of Madame Curie

by Hoothootmotherf_ckers



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Fluff, GetRenAGirlfriend2k18, apparently this is mlm/wlw solidarity, or well one person in particular lives, slight fantasy racism, sometimes you just gotta write really happy gay stuff, taako is trying he really is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 11:11:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16016711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoothootmotherf_ckers/pseuds/Hoothootmotherf_ckers
Summary: Taako just wants to find Ren a girlfriend. It doesn’t go quite how he expects.





	the ghost of Madame Curie

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Standard Deviation" by Danny Schmidt.

It’s late, the sort of late where you can’t tell if the ambient glow is from the fading lamplight or blooming sunrise. Ren and Taako sit at the bar of the Davy Lamp hunched over the last of this week’s midterm essays, red ink smeared on their hands and smudged on faces. It’s been a long time since they started this task, and they’ve both gotten a bit loopy. Which is maybe why Taako has the audacity to say,

“Ren. Ren, my wonderful, amazing friend and coworker. I have an idea.”

She sighs. “Do I really want to know?”

“Yes, you do. Because after this is done and we finish showing how our transmutation students could kick Lucas’s ass at age twelve, _I_ will be going home to collapse in a heap on top of my boyfriend.”

“Good… for you?” Ren doesn’t sound quite sure where this is going. Which is fair, because Taako didn’t either until about a minute ago. But damn it he has a _great_ idea.

“But Ren, you don’t have that. And you _deserve it_ , Ren. You’re such a good person and I really like you and I know you like people and other people like you! And you like girls!” Taako may also be slightly drunk. Hey, this is what happens when you grade in a tavern. 

Ren’s laughing a bit now. “Okay, could you cut to the chase?”

Right. Time for the pitch. Taako stands up for Extra Seriousness. “Ren, I am going to find you a girlfriend.”

She’s outright laughing now, a hand across her face not hiding anything. “Taako, you _really_ don’t need to do that. I’m fine.”

No, this can’t stand. “You’ll see! I am going to find you the _best_ girlfriend and you’ll be so happy and it’ll be _so good!_ ”

Ren just casually starts reorganizing the papers Taako had batted about with his enthusiastic gesticulating. “Whatever you say, boss.”

—

Part one of #GetRenAGirlfriend (yes, he’s made it a hashtag, this is going to be A Thing) starts the next day. Taako has yet again crashed in the Davy Lamp, though this time it’s more of a social event. He’s hanging out with Ren, sort of just chilling while she tries to relax and let June run the place. But she’s focusing too hard, and Taako’s trying to think of ways to distract her when the door of the Davy Lamp swings open.

A beautiful, golden-skinned tiefling girl walks into the tavern, clutching some books and looking nervous. She settles down in a table near the door, soon covering it in scattered papers and open books. She frowns, placing her head in one hand, and he gets an idea. Taako gives Ren a nudge, a gentle elbow in the side. 

“Hey, I wonder what that girl’s working on?” he asks, aiming for nonchalant. “Looks tricky, whatever it is.”

Ren looks away from where June’s chatting with some strangers at the bar. “Huh… I dunno. I’ll go ask, she looks lonely.”

The dark elf girl stands, missing the fist pump Taako does under the table. He watches her approach the other girl, lean over probably to politely ask her what she’s working on. Taako tries not to cheer when she pulls up a chair and soon the two girls are engaged in a rapid fire conversation, with a fair amount of waving papers.

At the end of the night, Ren goes back to Taako looking tired but happy. Fingers crossed, he asks, “So how was your evening?”

“Oh, it was _great!_ Ellara was working on some recipes, she’s a baker. I gave her some advice on how to incorporate conjuration magic into some, and I gave her Paloma’s contact information. Hopefully they can make some pretty cool things, she had some great ideas.” 

“Did you give her _your_ contact information?” Taako asks meaningfully.

Ren looks puzzled. “No? I mean, she knows where to find me if she has any problems, but honestly Paloma can help her much more than me. Why?”

“Oh, no reason,” Taako says airily, trying not to stomp his foot like a petulant child. Damn it. 

— 

Taako seizes his next chance at an on-campus conference. He and Ren are both presenting, as well as a handful of other experts in various magical fields. At the speaker lunch, he sees a chance and takes it. While Ren’s up getting seconds, he scoots over next to an elegant human woman. 

“Hey there!” he says cheerily. “You have any interest in practical magical applications?”

When she nods in assent, he continues, “Well, my coworker’s going to be giving an amazing talk on that right after lunch, you should definitely talk to her after it! I know you could have a great conversation, she’s very friendly and loves to discuss her work.”

The human sits for a moment thinking, then says, “I’ve made a bit of a study of that kind of magic myself. I’d love to know another’s opinion on it.” Taako tries not to smile too wide.

Later, he sits enraptured during Ren’s presentation, which is of course phenomenal. And afterward, while friends are congratulating her, the human approaches. Taako holds his breath.

At first it all seems well and good. They’re talking, formally but politely, so this could work out. But then something on Ren’s face freezes, and her responses get much more snappish. The human woman begins to gesture more wildly, and voices raise. In moments they’re shouting, sketching out diagrams on any free surface and causing other conference goers to inch around them in a wide berth, and others to watch, intrigued by the spectacle. Eventually the human storms off in a huff and Ren stalks back over to Taako. She’s breathing pretty heavily. 

“The _nerve_ of that woman!” she seethes. “To suggest that I may not know my magic just because I’m from a ‘more rural area’ or _gods forbid,_ the Underdark!” Taako’s never seen her this angry, and is more than a little concerned. “Just because oh, I’ve never been to the college in Neverwinter, suddenly I can’t have any fuckin’ understanding of conjuration magic and am ‘obviously wrong’ that it has more use than abjuration!”

Taako bears her snarling, reassuring her that of course that woman was an asshole, who even let her into this conference? and curses himself silently. Well that backfired horrendously. 

—

He tries again in the library of their shared university. After all, there’s plenty of researchers at his school who would be absolutely perfect for his partner. So while Ren is having a quiet moment reading in the library, he nudges Sadie, a nice dragonborn transmutation specialist from his lab, in her direction. 

The two girls talk for a moment, and Ren shows the other her book. Soon they sit down together and are chatting amicably, Taako peeking over the edge of his over-large newspaper. But then Ren picks up her stone of farspeech, and so does Sadie, and soon there’s one, two, six more people of various genders seated around this small table, all absorbed by the conversation. Ren still seems to be having fun, but her focus has shifted to a conversation with a half-elf man, not Sadie. 

When he meets with Ren later, she cheerfully tells him that they’ve started a book club. Taako wants to bang his head against the wall. 

— 

The shirt with a big arrow reading “COME SAY HI, SHE’S SINGLE” doesn’t make it out of the house. Thanks, Kravitz. 

— 

Neither does the giant neon sign, though he’s convinced Lup sabotaged it. She knows something he doesn’t, he’s sure of it. 

— 

Ugh. Something about his approach isn’t working. Maybe he’s not the best person to do this, but he knows some people who _for sure_ can help him on his mission. So he sets up a day on the town for Ren, sending her out with Carey, Killian, Sloane, and Hurley. There’s no way this can go wrong. No way.

Six hours later the five stumble home from Goldcliff, laughing so hard they’re falling into each other. Carey’s shirt has been shredded, Ren’s hair is singed, and somehow Sloane is wearing Killian’s shoes. All have impressive sunburns and grins on their faces, so Taako grudgingly admits the day must’ve gone well. But still, no girlfriend! And when he confronts the others about it, they laugh! In his face! 

—

Eventually, he has to admit defeat. Well, mostly, anyway - he’s Taako, and Taako doesn’t quit. But maybe this should be put on hold for a while. He’s still going to do his best to find Ren a wonderful girlfriend, but maybe he’ll stop trying to push her into things. Maybe things will work out on their own.

—

It’s a calm, clear evening, high above Goldcliff. Ren sits at the edge of the moon base, legs hanging over the side. She’s watching the sunset fade over the sea, gold turning red and nearing a deep purple. When the pink clouds start to turn blue, she hears a clatter behind her and whirls to her feet with a grin.

Before her stands - or floats, rather - the individual once known as Noelle Redcheek but now going by No-3113. She, too, has a smile on her projected face, and she gives a little wave with her more humanoid hand. 

“Hey, babe,” she says. “Sorry I got held up, a debrief ran long.” 

Ren smiles and takes her hand. “That’s fine, I’m just glad the mission went well. C’mon, you’re just in time for the best part. Take a seat and tell me all about it.”

The two sit on the edge of the base, Ren’s head leaning against No-3113’s squarer form. She laughs. 

“Hey, babe, how long do you think it’s gonna take for Taako to catch on?”

No-3113 sounds almost awed. “You mean he still hasn’t worked it out? Oh gods, he’s hopeless.”

“Yeah, he’s somehow the most oblivious genius I’ve ever met.” Ren laughs again. “But the others are having too much fun, I say we let it draw out a little longer.”

“Oh yeah, Carey and Killian are having a field day with it.” No-3113 grins and holds Ren’s hand tighter. “I’m just waiting for the day he tries to set us up together.”

“Oh gods, that would be _amazing_.” Ren smiles wide, her face brimming with happiness. “But that’ll be a while. Anyway, how did the mission go?”

“Well, so Carey lit someone on fire, but…”

And we pan up, and away from the moon base. No-3113’s voice trails off, and the two figures shrink, until they’re nothing but dark silhouettes against a brilliant sunset. And then the light fades, leaving just a slight glow from the fusebox of a very happy robot, illuminating her just as happy girlfriend.


End file.
